Are you a newly wed? Or, have you attended a wedding ceremony lately? Anyone who has attended a
wedding ceremony in Korea may feel that something needs to be done about the wasteful and
irrational aspects of the Korean wedding custom.
In Korea, a bride and her family pay a heavy price for her marriage. She is customarily supposed to
buy many articles for her marriage, from furniture to small items of kitchen ware, and to offer gifts to
her bridegroom's family and even his distant relatives, not to mention her part of the cost for their
wedding ceremony.
A survey conducted in 1996 shows that a newly married couple on average spends 36.2 million won
to start their married life. The amount covers all aspects of married life plus the cost of their wedding
ceremony including the wedding hall fee, rent of a wedding dress and a tuxedo, photographs,
honeymoon, wedding banquets and so forth. However, the figure doesn't include money to rent or
buy a house.
It is just an average. Many spend much more than that. Furthermore, the dowry sometimes becomes
a cause of post-marriage disputes which may lead to divorce. Last year, a medical doctor made
headlines by beating his wife and even her mother because he thought that the marriage dowry,
'honsu' in Korean, was too small. She and her family bought as much as 170 million won worth of
'honsu', but it was insufficient to satisfy the doctor bridegroom and his parents. Citing the lack of
honsu, he asked for a divorce about a year after marriage, but his bride and her family refused. So,
he beat his wife and her mother.
Another shocking accident related to the Korean wedding custom took place in March, this year. It
was related to 'hahm', a box or a suitcase which a fiance's family sends to his bride-to- be's family a
few days before the wedding and which is later used on the honeymoon. During the brawl with her
husband over 'hahm', the bride accidentally fell from her honeymoon suite to her death on the very
first night of their honeymoon. The groom argued that the amount of money customarily given to a
group of his friends for carrying the 'hahm' to her place had been too small, meaning that his friends
might have been disappointed.
Traditionally, 'hahm' contains rolls of red and blue silk cloth tied with bunches of red and blue threads,
a scroll of paper on which a bridegroom's astrological chart is written, and jewerly for a bride.
In the past, a fiance's family hired a man to carry the box on his back to the bride-to-be's house,
which then served the courier with food as a token of gratitude for carrying the box on his back to
her place. But these days this custom has lost its color. Now, hahm is carried by a band of the
fiance's friends, who expect a considerable sum of money as well as food from his bride-to-be's
family. The problem is the amount called hahmgap (the price of hahm). It ranges from 400,000 to one
million won. According to the Korean Women's Association last year, seven out of 10 people wanted
the hahm custom to be abolished or changed.
Wedding problems do not end here. Commercial wedding halls demand that brides should rent
wedding dresses from the halls and use beauty parlors and photographers hired by the halls. A recent
survey of 151 newlyweds by a department store shows that they spent an average of 7.77 million
won per couple on wedding halls. And the amount almost doubled to 14.13 million won in five-star
hotels or high-class restaurants. Religious facilities such as churches and cathedrals were places
where couples can hold wedding ceremonies at the lowest cost of 6.19 million won. A Korean couple
spends 36.2 million won on average on wedding costs, while those in the U.S. or Europe spends
$1,500 to $2,000 (1.2 to 1.6 million won). Considering a Korean urban salaryman's monthly pay of
1.7 million won, the wedding expense is equivalent to a year and nine months of his income. As for
wedding expenses, the Japanese spend more than Koreans do. But given the exchange rate and the
cost of living in Japan, we reportedly spend five or six times more in real terms than they do. It is
undeniable that wedding halls have played a big role in commercializing our wedding culture and raising
our wedding costs.
Most Korean newlyweds, who have to follow the costly wedding custom, say that the true meaning of
the Korean wedding custom has been distorted. The wedding ceremony for a couple in a wedding hall
takes only 30 minutes because other couples are waiting for their turns. Couples march out of halls
like they are on an assembly line here in Seoul. Some couples from rich families ask event companies
to make their wedding ceremonies look impressive. The companies fly helicopters in the sky or set up
large multivision video screens showing the ceremonies with the aim of showing off to the attendants.
News media point an accusatory finger at such couples and their parents for staging the luxurious
extravaganzas.
Another aspect of the Korean wedding culture that should be reconsidered is the meaning of money
that well-wishers customarily give as gifts to brides or bridegrooms in front of the halls where their
wedding ceremonies take place. Guests offer donations containing from 20,000 won to 200,000 won
as a formality uniformally before entering the ceremony halls. Even if we don't know the bride well, the
bridegroom or their parents, we are invited to their wedding. Some come to the wedding ceremonies
just to convey congratulatory money but don't actually attend them. If so, not only their money but
also their precious time are in a sense wasted.
Moreover weekend wedding ceremonies cause traffic congestion around wedding halls. Traffic
policymakers have suggested that you write down your bank account number on wedding invitation
cards so that online remittance may relieve weekend traffic. Inhumane as it may sound, the
suggestion must be a practical solution.
Articles and journals on marriage give some alternative ideas to solve wedding problems. First, the
upper class of our society should play a leading and exemplary role by holding thrifty wedding
ceremonies. Second, civic groups should launch campaigns to correct the view of wedding customs
and expenses. Third, more facilities providing places for wedding ceremonies at lower cost need be
constructed. With our economy about to join the OECD, now is the time to develop the cultural
aspect of our society, particularly the wedding culture, an important cultural factor.
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